Do You Have An Issue With Pornography?
Pornography has been around since the first camera was created and is now over a billion dollar industry. Almost every person above the age of 18 has had some type of contact with pornography. Most men I have worked with always start off by saying, “Every guy looks at porn. I don’t know why my wife is so upset by it.” As a therapist who offers pornography addiction therapy, I have seen first hand how porn can destroy relationships and families. Maybe you don’t think porn is a problem or maybe it has started to become a problem.
Why Porn Is A Problem?
While you most likely first saw pornography before the age of 13. When you saw porn it was exciting, new and unlocked something inside of yourself. Sexuality is a natural part of humanity. While porn started off as something exciting, and a way to learn about your sexuality, but now it has become something else in your life. Maybe you use porn to take care of the stress of the day or your just horny and your partner doesn’t want to have sex. You might find yourself looking at porn more and more, taking up more and more of your time, from spending money on sites to have better access or having personalized videos made for you. Porn is now something that you would prefer to use versus being sexually intimate with your partner. The question is not whether pornography is good or bad but rather, the question is does looking at porn create problems in your life?
Side Effects of Porn
Maybe you have started to experience some of the side effects of porn without realizing that they are related to porn. You might find your partner less attractive preferring to look at pornography than having sex with your partner. When you do have sex you might find it harder to hold an erection. Both premature ejaculation and delayed ejaculation are highly correlated with pornography use. Even erectile dysfunction can be a side effect of porn. These side effects might only appear when you are having sex with your partner.
My Partner Hurts
You may be saying, “None of those side effects are present in my life so maybe I don’t have a problem with porn.” While that might be true, if you find yourself reading this it might be because your porn use is negatively affecting your relationship. If there is conflict over your porn use it can create feelings of anger, resentment, and rejection. Your partner is feeling a number of things. You might be thinking “What’s the big deal? It’s not like I am having an affair,” but for your partner, it feels like porn is an affair. If you find yourself becoming resentful over your partners hurts, you might want to look to see if you are addicted to porn.
Am I Addicted To Porn?
Have you tried to stop looking at porn? Do you say things like “I will quit after this one last time?” OR you think it is not that big of a deal “why should I have to quit?” Maybe you have an addiction to porn and maybe you don’t, but pornography has become a tool to deal with stress, boredom, loneliness, rejection and other feelings. Porn might be causing problems in your relationship, work, and friendships. You might even find yourself preferring to spend time looking at pornography than activities you once enjoyed. If this is what is happening to you, you’re not alone.
Signs and Symptoms of Pornography Addiction
- Obsessing with pornography. It feels like you can’t stop viewing it multiple times a day, viewing it in the bathroom, in public, while driving, or at work.
- You spend more time watching pornography then you do in other enjoyable activities
- Spend less time with others
- You avoid spending time attending to personal responsibilities
- Feel shame and guilt after viewing pornography
- Spending more money than you should on pornography
- Have cravings to view more pornography, feeling triggered throughout the day
- You lost time spending hours viewing pornography or trying to sneak it in as often as you can
- Losing interest in sex
- You have injured yourself by masturbating
The Silent Epidemic
The use of porn is a very isolating activity. Maybe in your youth, you would look at it with others, but most people use porn by themselves. Since the rise of high-speed internet and smartphones porn usages has skyrocketed. The age of early exposure has decreased to below 13 for most boys. Because of the shame that is connected with porn, we don’t share our struggles.
Pornography Leading To Divorce
Divorce attorneys are citing that excessive porn usage in more than half of divorces. Even both political parties stated in the 2016 election that pornography addiction is sweeping America. Clients that I have worked with have shared that most men (and women) they know are ashamed of their porn usage and don’t share how harmful it can be. You are not alone in your struggle with porn. Pornography addiction has become a silent epidemic that affects most of us, and there is hope to overcome it with pornography addiction therapy.
Pornography Addiction Therapy
It’s not about pornography addiction. It’s about numbing feelings. I avoid using the word addiction. Using porn has become a way to deal with uncomfortable feelings. I help my clients learn to see why they have turned to porn and why they keep using it even at the risk of losing their career, relationship, and family. Pornography addiction therapy can be broken into a few steps
Learning New Behaviors
My clients learn to limit or stop the use of pornography. They develop new skills to deal with boredom, loneliness, hurt, rejection and even horniness. New behaviors can help you recognizes how to reconnect with the important aspect of who you are. From becoming more involved with the family, to better sex with you partner because of the improved intimacy, to not being distracted at work. You will learn how to be fully engaged in your life.
Building Connections
Becoming fully engaged in your life started with learning how to build healthy connections with people around you. Once you have some soberity from pornography you will start to re-connect with yourself and discover parts of yourself that you are missing. This new found self-connection with helps you build stronger, more meaningful relationships with your firends and family. These new, deeper relationship can help you find joy, happiness and increased levels of intimacy.
What The Addict Inside Of You Will Say To Keep You From Getting Help.
Having stronger connections might seem wounderful but something is nagging at you keeping you from taking the steps to create change. Here are some common reasons that might keep you stuck.
- I think the therapist is going to judge me for my porn use. That might be true if you are seeking out a therapist who doesn’t understand or has not worked with pornography addiction. It is not the therapist job to make any judgments about what you want. My clients learn to set their own bottom lines that work or don’t work for them. If you want to stop but can’t give up porn just yet, coming into therapy can help you understand what it does for you to keep using pornography.
- I think that therapy is just too expensive. Therapy might be expensive or you might just have different priorities in your life. You will gain a deeper understanding of yourself through counseling. When I hear people say that it is expensive what I am really hearing is this is not a priority in my life. If your relationship is important to you, then you should be willing to do anything to fix it or strengthen it. Counseling is one of the best investment you can make in yourself and in your relationship.
- Will you really understand our problems? We might have different sex, age, and life experiences. It can be scary to open up to a stranger about personal problems. I am so honored to be in the profession that can help you on your journey. I do my best to connect with you emotionally.
Start Recovery Now
It doesn’t matter if you have been struggling with porn since you were a teenager or it feels like it just has gotten out of hand. Our pornography addiction therapy can help you overcome pornography and develop a meaningful connected relationship. If you are not ready to start pornography addiction therapy you can check out our pornography addiction recovery program at www.richerliferecovery.com. This pornography addiction treatment provides both