Why Seek Out Gay Relationship Counseling?
Many queer people seek out gay couples therapy because the relationship that they have with the partner isn’t what they want it to be. While gay couples face the same struggles that all couples face, some gay relationship problems are unique to queer people. As a gay therapist, I work with many
Communication
Most all gay couples who are seeking out couples counseling state that they have a problem communicating, it might seem like you have the same fight day after day, but the topic of the fight changes. You each fall into a role during an argument and many times the way you communicate in disagreements lead you from talking about one topic to another to another, where you never seem to solve anything. You know that you both love each other but do not know how to stop fighting and improve your communication.
Affairs, Infidelity to Open Relationship Issues
While some view queer people as sexually promiscuous, our sexuality is a part of our identity. Many gay couples explore nontraditional relationship from threesomes, to polyamory to open-relationships. Many couples struggle in navigating how to have a fulfilled sex life without it damaging the relationship. For some couples seeking a nontraditional relationship comes as a response to a breach of trust. Sometimes a breach of trust can be flirting at a club, to downloading apps, to having a sexting relationship that is hidden from your partner. Working through these struggles from the breach of trust to navigating an open relationship can create a high level of conflict, and many gay couples who I have worked with are on the verge of ending their relationship because they don’t know how to work through these issues.
Intimacy
At the beginning of your relationship your sex life was great, yet with time sex has shifted within your relationship. Maybe you have a sexless gay relationship and are thinking of opening the relationship up. Or one partner is unable to perform sexually, or you both have different sexual needs that are not getting met. From STI to talking about what a healthy sex life is. It can be a struggle to talking about sex. Many couples who seek out counseling want to have an improved sex life that includes more than just sex, and it includes developing deeper physical and emotional intimacy.
Not Out of the Closest, Homophobia, and Family Rejection
Dating someone who is in the closest or not fully out creates a different level of struggles for the relationship. I have heard many clients say my boyfriend or girlfriend is not comfortable holding my hand in public. She won’t tell her co-workers about me, or he
Common and Uncommon Problems
Finding a gay friend therapist is essential to work with all of the problems above and other issues that happen in relationships. From figuring outlaw do we maintain a healthy relationship, too how do we define our families roles in chores, to raising children and the influxes of religion on our lives? All of these life evens can create outside influences that negatively impact your relationship.
Your Not Alone
No matter if the problems you are facing are listed above or not you are feeling the effects of a problem in your relationship. We come from a straight world, with heterosexual friends, and family. We see our straight parents and straight relationship in the media. Seeing so many straight relationships can make you feel along in your couple problems. Most of us never learned what a healthy gay relationship is and don’t know how to even from one. Many times these problems create d and hopeless in your relationship. These feelings of disconneciton from each other is something that most couples experience, yet you do not have to live with any of these problems. You can learn to reconnect to each other.
How Does Gay Couples Counseling Help?
When you are feeling disconnected from your boyfriend you will feel numb and hopeless. The first step in reconnected is to learn how to stop the hurtful form of communication. Almost every couple I have ever worked with does not have a communication problem they have an emotional understanding problem. When they can stop their hurtful cycle that creates disconnection, they are then able to share deeper emotions that drive stronger connection. Gay couples counseling is not about discovering rules or learning new tools to stop fighting. Relationships improve because they find a deeper connection through developing safer ways to talk about important issues and learn how to be more emotionally connected to your partner.
Learning New Dance
I help couples learn to understand that their problems that have formed over time. These problems are not 100% one personal fault. Relationship problems are like a negative dance you have developed with each other.
- Your partner criticizes you –
1st dance move - So you withdraw –
2nd dance move - Your partner becomes more hostile to you yelling saying hurtful things – 3rd dance move
Maybe you have more dance moves in your dance. But what happens at the end of the dance is you both end up feeling alone, disconnect and hopeless.
In therapy, you learn to understand these old dance moves. Where did they come from and why do you have them? Working together we discover how to have a new dance move that drives connection
Not You, Not Me, But We
During therapy, couples will find a deeper connection and heal wounds that have developed throughout the relationship. Each of you will also learn to understand how your past influences you and affect your relationship. You and your partner will learn how to form a new stronger bond that is built on understanding your deeper emotional needs. Each of you will be able to express these emotions in a safe way, developing deeper intimacy and vulnerability with each other.
Possible Reservation About Therapy
Sharing aspects of your relationship can be very scary, and not something that is easy to commit to. Many clients I have worked with voice their reservations about the therapy process, here are some common reason why gay men might avoid couples counseling.
Is it too late for us? Maybe your problem seems too big to solve, and your feelings of hopelessness have increased. I have worked with many couples who are ready to call it quits and walk away from their relationship. If you both want to try but do not know where to start couples counseling is right for you. Therapy request work, but repair does happen. It is ok to feel hopeless and now know where to go. You can still hold onto those feelings and start the process of therapy. Once in therapy those feelings will become less and less as you grow closer together.
Will you understand our problems? As a gay male therapist working individually with gay men. I have lived in some of these problems in my marriage. Being a part of the community gives me a deeper understanding of common issues gay couples face. While each couple is unique and different many problems come from the same underlying problems of feeling disconnect and unsafe. I always feel honored in this profession that I can help gay men heal their relationship.
We’ve already tired so much why will this work? When you can come into a room and start to face your problem out in the open, something happens. You can look at your behavior and emotions in a new way, and for most couples, they start to learn new things about their partner in therapy. This new information along with some education and guidance from a trained therapist will help you try something you have never tried before.
Reconnect Now
You can start to rebuild and reconnect with your boyfriend or husband today by giving us a call at 702-518-1546. Or you can click here to schedule a session or request an appointment below.
We can typically get you into a session within 24 or 48 hours. Our office is located in west Las Vegas in the heart of Summerland. Our address is 9414 W Lake Mead Blvd Las Vegas, NV 89134
If you would like to learn more about common issues facing the LGBT community, please check out our LGBT Blog by clicking here.