Affair Recovery What To Ask For From Your Partner

Affair recovery stages are unique for every individual and couple who are working through the pain of an affair. Healing from the affair comes in time. And requires both partners to do hard work of looking within themselves. If you are the hurt partner, feeling the betrayal and the relationship trauma and are struggling with dealing with the range of emotions check out this article on how to process those emotions here.

If the intents feelings from the affair are lessening, then you might be asking yourself how do I recover from an affair. One of the first things that I help clients with is figuring out what things do you need from your partner who had the affair. This is required so you can start to rebuild trust, you have to look within yourself and come up with tables actionable behavior for your partner to do. 

Building Trust

Reconstructing relationships after the trauma of infidelity by building trust. For the first few months of healing from the affair, it is ok for you the hurt partner to ask your other partner to do things to make you feel safe. Asking for safety, and your partner doing what you ask is the foundation for repairing your relationship 

The partner who had an affair, the things that your partner is going to ask for, some will be temporary other will be permanent. What the research has shown and what I have seen through working with many couples in affair therapy is that the partner who actually shows up and does what the hurt partner ask will be the couples who repair the quickest. 

What To Ask For To Heal From The Affair

The first question to ask yourself on what you need to heal from the affair is, does this help you feel safer? If it will help you feel safer, then it is ok to ask for. What you need to ask for needs to be concrete and tangible. Asking for honesty, openness, and empathy is all great but not something that you partner can physically do to show they want to repair. 

Positive Action To Heal The Affair

• Asking to know the location of your partner
• Asking for FaceTime call whenever you need it
• Asking your partner to stop all commutation with the affair partner
• Asking your partner to do more around the house (be specific – cook dinner 2 times a week)
• Asking your partner to share all passwords, email address, etc
• Asking your partner to leave their phone out for you to check when you want.
• Asking your partner not to take their phone into a room alone with them

There can be many more things you might ask of your partner. As long as it makes you feel safer, then it is ok to ask. 

Things Not To Ask For In Affair Recovery

Many questions you have about the affair are valid, but once you learn some things, that could create more betrayal trauma. So many times your questions should be asked and answer in therapy. Many hurt partners have valid questions, and I work with them to get to the root of understand why it is essential for them to know the answers. Then they can ask their partner. Sometimes the questions are just a response to the anxiety from the affair and are not really about needing to know to heal. 

On Going Affair Recovery

Sometimes the things you need to feel safe at the start of the affair recovery can become a block too long-term affair recovery. This can be seen when checking your partner’s phone because something you half to do to manage your anxiety. There is no right amount of time it will take, but I caution you to be careful that these items you ask for safety might get in the way of long-term recovery. 

If you are struggling with know what to ask for, and how to ask for it you need to find a therapist who offers affair therapy work. If you live in the Las Vegas area and are ready to start healing from an affair, please contact us today or click the appointment request below.