How Couples Counseling Helps With Poor Communication
You love your partner and when you first started dating, you had a fantastic connection with each other. Yet as time has gone on you are still just as in love, but it is not as easy to talk to your partner anymore. For some reason, it seems like your good communication skills have disappeared and now you are experiencing communication problems in your relationship. You both have different communication styles in your relationship, and that is creating more disconnection than ever before. Knowing that if something doesn’t change you will keep experiencing the adverse effect of poor communication or the impact of lack of communication in your relationship.
Some of these common bad communication issues include going on and on when you fight, raising your voice or repeating the same thing over and over. You have tired compromising, negotiation or problem-solving but it doesn’t seem like anything is helping improve your communication. If those are not the communication problems you have, it’s possible you are experiencing the lack of communication in your relationship. From avoiding talking about hard issues to just going through the motions of your life, to possible talking but then shutting down once the conversation gets difficult. No matter what your what your communication in your relationship is, it can improve.
Common Communication Problems in Your Relationship
Communication problems can show up in your marriage or relationship in many different ways. All of these common communication problems are not effective ways to connect and solve problems. If you have any of these common communication problems there is a good chance they will be leading to more communication problems if something doesn’t change.
- Yelling and screaming at each other
- One of you apologizing too much
- Giving your partner the silent treatment
- Speaking in absolutes
- Not “lovingly” asking for your needs to get met
- Not listening to each other or not feeling like your partner is hearing you
- Bring up past issues when you are arguing about something else
- Using harsh words
- Interrupting each other
- Telling your partner what to do (parenting each other)
- Using logic to discount your partner’s feelings or perspective
Four Horseman of the Relationship Apocalypse
Dr. John Gottman found that if any of these 4 major communication problems in your relationship it will lead to the destruction of your relationship.
Criticism. This is when you or your partner attack each other’s personality or character. This usually comes with some blame by saying things like “you always do things like that.” When criticism exists in your relationship, it is a toxic form of communication and will invite defensiveness from your partner.
Contempt. When you are bickering, disagreeing, or fighting and you forget about your partner’s positive qualities. This shows up when you use hostile humor, insults or name-calling, mockery, and sarcasm, along with the nonverbal poor communication signals of smirking and eye rolling.
Defensiveness. This is when you no longer want to hear what your partner has to say, and you are not willing to take responsibility for setting things right. Defensiveness shows up in denying responsibility, making excuses, saying “yes, but…” then explaining yourself. Once you or your partner is in defensiveness, no healthy communication can come from it.
Stonewalling. This is when one of you shut down and sometimes this is seen in not responding, walking way, or just turning to the TV or phone to avoid talking. This behavior kills any chance of healthy communication.
Luckily, at Richer Life Counseling Las Vegas we use Dr. John Gottomans research along with Sue Johnson’s research to help you avoid the Four Horseman of the relationship apocalypse. We help clients learn what toxic commutation patterns that they have in their relationship. Then we work to help them lower the amount that those patterns show up. You will learn to look into yourself and figure out what needs you need to have met by your partner and then learn new effective commutation skills in asking for those needs to get meet.
Healthy Communication
Couples counseling focusing on common issues help you figure out why these communication patterns evolved the way it did. Along with learning to minimize these ineffective communication patterns, you will learn to replace them with more effective communication. From learning how to be more vulnerable with each other, to asking for your needs to get met. We have helped couples reconnect who have avoided talking to each other, to couples who were constantly fighting. You will learn new ways of communicating that fosters safety and love.
The Relationship You’ve Always Wanted
Couples who have worked on their poor communication with couples counseling, will not just rediscover what their relationship was like at the start but have a stronger bond. You both will be able to share with each other in a safe, loving, open way. Couples who couldn’t avoid arguing at the start of couples counseling will end couples counseling being able to talk about big topics without it leading to arguments. If you are ready to have effective communication in your relationship now is the time to book a session.
Why You Might Put Off Couples Counseling
My Partner Doesn’t want to come?
Your partner might be feeling hopeless or fearful about making the changes that are required to improve your communication skills. Luckily it only takes one partner in a relationship to learn these skills. You can start therapy today, and your relationship will begin to improve. It is more difficult when your partner does not want to attend but should not be a reason to avoid starting couples counseling today.
Why should I go to therapy? My partner is the one with all poor communication skills?
What I have found in working with couples is that both partners must change to improve their communication. Your partner might have more toxic behaviors such as using harsh language or yelling. You can learn to figure out why they have that behavior and discover new ways to get them to share their needs. We have experience working with many individuals who have improved their relationship when they were the only ones attending therapy.
Start Couples Counseling Today
At Richer Life Counseling Las Vegas we use Emotionally Focused Therapy and the Gottomen Method. Both of these proven methods help you communicate what you are feeling and help you avoid the negative cycle of poor communication. Contact us today to start to build a healthy communication system that is focused on love, nurturing and building connection with each other. To learn more about how to have a healthy relationship check out our Relationship Blog.
Book a session today by requesting an appointment below.