5 Rules To Keep A Happy Relationship

Romantic relationships can be amazing and a rewarding part of your life, however, they don’t always come easily. It will be important to take steps to safeguard your relationship. Here are 5 rules to keep a happy relationship. While this list will help keep your relationship strong and can be applied to new relationships or if you have been married for 30 years. If you do not feel like you relationship is not as happy as you would like CLICK HERE to learn how couples counseling can help.

1 Create Rituals

Take time to create a special ritual that is just for the relationship. This time should be for the two of you to connect. You can have a number of different rituals, for a goodbye hug and kiss, to drinking coffee togeather in the morning. Some rituals can be about connection, others can be something fun just for the two of you.

2 Daily Check-In

One ritual that is so important is creating a daily check in. This is where you talk about what is going on in your life. This is not a time to talk about your schedule, the kids, or complain about chores that are not done. Your daily check-in is time for each of you to talk about yourself and connect to each other on a deeper level. Your check-in can include but is not limited to:

How you are physically feeling
Share your emotional feelings
What you need from each other

3 Turn Towards Your Partner

We all want attention from people we care about. Dr. John Gottman has written over 190 academic papers and is the leading expert in happy relationships. What Dr. Gottman found was that in healthy and happy relationships partners turn towards each other. So if I say “I’m so excited about the new Star Wars movie” you engage positively with me by saying “I can’t wait to go with you” or “when does it come out?” Turning toward is where you make it clear that you are interested in what your partner is saying. To read more click here for an article in The Atlantic.

4 Develop Fighting Rules

Having a fight is normal in a relationship. We all come into relationships with our own way of doing things and sometimes this leads to arguments. When you are not fighting figure out what your rules are when you get into a fight. In couples counseling, I tell my clients to go to bed angry, learn to take a time out when you upset. During the first session with couples, I give the homework of “if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all.” Sometimes that leads to a very quiet house but it is a rule that limits fighting.

5 Build A Couple Bubble

This last but most important part of a happy relationship is protecting it. If you follow the 4 other you will be building a couple bubble. In his book, Wired for Love Stan Tatkin shares how to keep the relationship safe from outside influences. This rule keeps you and your partner working together. Building a couple bubble starts with asking what is best for the relationship right now? This shift is where you start thinking about the needs of the relationship before the needs of yourself, or your partners. You can read my review on Wired for Love by clicking here (coming in 2017) Building a couple bubble is hard even if you are in a happy relationship. You can start building a couple bubble by reading our couples counseling blog, going to marriage conferences, and seeking a therapist to strengthen your relationship.