The Drama Triangle

Part IV Drama Victim

This is part IV of my four part series on understanding drama in your life. If you have not read the early parts you can check out part I, part II and part III. In part IV of understanding the drama triangle, we are going to understand more about the role of the victim in the drama triangle.

Role of The Victim

Victims are just like the name suggest victims to the drama. They tend to think they are powerless, incapable, helpless and might feel hopeless. Denying their own ability. The victim might feel intrinsically defective and want kid glove treatment. When confronted with drama they might feel picked on, and not good enough. Sometimes sabotage others efforts to help. Victims can act like a martyr.

Victims come in all shapes and sizes. You can see victims as someone who is struggling with addiction. Or maybe a victim can be someone who is checked out of the relationship. The victim might feel stuck in the situation and instead setting personal boundaries and figuring out what to do differently they stay stuck. For some victims, it is easier to not do anything different than to try something different.

Victim to Rescuer

Victims can always find fault with someone else even when they do things for others. They will find themselves doing things for others but the cost is gossiping or complaining about helping the entire time. They might find themselves saying something like “You’ve done too much…. please don’t feel like you need to do anything again.” They will try to find different ways to blame their partner for the situation.

Victim to Persecutor

As you transition from a pure victim role to persecutor you will hold onto the feelings of helplessness. This is where you might lash out at your partner saying something like “see I told you no matter what I do it’s never good enough.” A victim might do what is asked or do something for their partner but it comes along with not being good enough. Victims can always find fault with someone else even when they do things for others. This is when they might play up being a martyr even more.

If the victim has an addiction this is when they might act on it. From well if you didn’t do this I wouldn’t have gone out to the bar. Victims, when turning to prosecutors can justify things like infidelity or going outside of the relationship. This is because they take little personal accountable for the situation.

Victim must become a Servivor

You must learn how to do things on your own. This starts with developing positive self-talk and keeping track of other things you have been successfully at. Set strategies to accomplish your goals. Take responsibility for your own actions, wants and needs. Victims must start to ask themselves “how am I responsible for this part of my life.” Along with “what can I do to change my situation.” Its not about others it’s about what you can do for yourself.

It will not be easy to spot all the ways you are a victim in the drama triangle. However, if you start to spot this role, ask yourself who do I want to be in this conflict. Even if you have little conflict within your relationship., checking in with a therapist for monthly or bi-monthly couples counseling sessions can help.

This is Part IV of my blog post series on What Is The Drama Triangle. Click the following links listed below for the next parts. Links coming in the new few weeks

Part I – What Is The Drama Triangle?
Part II – Persecuting Drama
Part III – What Is The Drama Triangle? – Rescuing Drama

If you find yourself in the drama triangle and are ready to stop you can CLICK HERE to start counseling.