Table Topics

If you are reading this article, there is a good chance you found it from a different article that we wrote. Or you are just looking for practical ways to improve your relationship. At our psychotherapy practice, we are focused on helping you become the best version of yourself, along with improving your relationships. While most of our articles are focused on teaching you new concepts, techniques, and ways to improve your relationship, today we are going to keep it simple and focused on an essential tool that, when used correctly, will enhance your relationship. Here is our Tabel Topic review on a simple tool that will help you improve the foundation of your relationship. 

What the heck is table topics? 

Table Topics are a card deck that has different questions on them. The goal of the deck is to pull a card and ask each other questions. These are always open-ended questions; thus it creates a deeper conversation. 

Here are some of the themes.

Table Topics: Original

Good for: families, friends, relationships

Some Questions from this deck:

• What’s the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen? 
• Is it more important to be book smart or street smart? 
• What do you love about your hometown? 
• If you could have front row seats to any concert who would you like to see?

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Date Night

Good for: Relationships

Some Questions from this deck:

• What is the funniest thing I do to make you laugh?
• What do you most want to know about me that you don;t already know? 
• What song reminds you of a romantic time that we spent together?

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Couples

Good for: Relationships

Some Questions from this deck:

• Which of us is the worst backseat driver? 
• How much do we need in the bank to feel secure?
• Is it our similarities or our differences that attract us to each other? 
• What’s the best thing you learned from your mother?

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Family Gathering

Good for “extended” family, friends, relationships

Some Questions from this deck: 

• Who in your family met someone famous?
• What’s the biggest technological change you’ve seen in your lifetime?

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Table Topics Happiness

Good for: families, friends, relationships

Some Questions from this deck 

• What’s the best stress reliever you know?
• When you want to laugh, what or who do you turn to? 
• Who are your happiness role models?

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Why is this tool important for my relationship? 

You might be thinking, “Ok. This is a cool tool, but why is it important for my relationship?” When looking at the relationship between what makes a strong relationship, developing a deeper level of friendship is super important. The Gottmans talk about this being a “love map”. Think of it as how well do you know your partner? The more intently you know all aspects of your partner, the greater chances of having a strong relationship. 

This tool will force you to pay attention to your partner. The way our brains work is we stop paying attention to things we already learn. WE automate so much of our life, this is normal and healthy. Yet an unforeseen consciousness of this is that we automate our partner. When we automate our partner, you no longer pay attention and you think you understand everything about your partner.  The longer you are together, the more likely chance you have in forgetting to pay attention to who they are. You stop asking the questions that you would have asked on a first date. This is where this tool can help. It focuses you on asking new questions to your partner, leading to paying more attention. 

How I recommend using Table Topics:

Depending on the deck or decks that you buy, here is how I recommend using this tool. 

• Make sure you set aside a good amount of time to be able to have an in-depth conversation. While talking in the morning before work over coffee is a great way to connect. If time is limited, you will not be able to see where the conversation will go. 
• Turn off the TV, put the cell phones away. When you are setting time aside for meaningful connection, it means it needs to be mean full. This means turning off all distractions.
• Don’t be too structured in using the cards. Focus on asking questions and explain them. Both partners should answer the questions that get asked. Feel free to ask more questions as a follow-up. This means you are paying attention and are curious about your partner. 
• Make this a tradition. Pour a glass of wine, go out by the firepit, sit close to each other. Make a tradition focusing on building closeness. Maybe it’s every Wednesday night once the kids are down. Maybe it’s Sunday afternoon after church. Make this time so important that nothing else can disrupt it. 

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