The Drama Triangle

Part III Rescuing Drama

This is part III of my four part series on understanding drama in your life. If you have not read the first two parts go read Part I and Part II. In part III of understanding the drama triangle, we are going to understand more about the role of the rescuer in the drama triangle.

Role of The Rescuer

Rescuer’s love to help. They can sometimes enable and disable others by doing things for them that they could, & should do for themselves. Rescuers tend to make themselves indispensable to others. Putting other’s needs before their own (my sacrificing relationships or family time to care for others) Feel guilt about saying no. Might even say things like “They won’t get it right away, I might as well do it myself.” Sometimes have the belief that they can ‘fix’ others.

Rescuers tend to not have boundaries and tend to put their needs after the needs of others. Rescuers can sometimes be considered codependent. They only are able to function when they are helping out a victim in the relationship. This codependency can move beyond just romantic relationship and can be a way to interact with other. From always going the extra mile at work to volunteering for everything you can. Or never saying no to you friends. These are all ways in which you can find yourself rescuing others, possibly creating more conflict in your life.

Rescuer to Persecutor

When a rescuer moves into a persecutor role they still hold onto the feelings of wanting to help. Rescuers use silent treatment to show their power in the changing role. A rescuer might still do things for the other person but try’s to hold power over them by not talking.

If the silent treatment doesn’t work the rescuer does the opposite. They could find themselves yelling and using profanity. This might be normally uncharacteristic of the rescuer. You might hear yourself saying things life “Fine! Just do it yourself then.” When a rescuer moves to a persecutor role, it is not as harsh as a pure prosecutor however it can feel very unnature to both people in the conflict.

Rescuer to Victim

A rescuer moving to a victim role appears to use all the help as leverage in the drama. When a rescuer moves to a victim role they might find themselves saying things like “after all the things I have done for you…. this is how you treat me.” Or things like “if you truly loved me you would….” They use the langue of a victim but still hold some power because of all they have done.

Rescuer must become a Coach or Teacher

To move away from being a rescuer you first most notice the tendency in yourself. Once you start to identify how you like to rescue people in your drama triangle you can move out of it. You will want to become a teacher or a coach. Both teachers and coaches help inspire and push others to archive the goals. A good coach will help a player develop a plan but it is up to the player to follow the plan and play the game. This is what rescuer must do, they can offer advice and help HOWEVER it is 100% of to the partner to do the work. That they should be doing for themselves.

Rescuers must set strong boundaries. The most important aspect of any healthy relationship. You must learn to understand what your rules are for yourself within the relationship. (future blog will be written about I feel statements. If you would like to see me write about it sooner leave a commit below)

It will not be easy to spot all the ways you are a rescuer in the drama triangle. However, if you start to spot this role, ask yourself who do I want to be in this conflict. Even if you have little conflict within your relationship., checking in with a therapist for monthly or bi-monthly couples counseling sessions can help.

This is Part III of my blog post series on What Is The Drama Triangle. Click the following links listed below for the next parts. Links coming in the new few weeks

Part I – What Is The Drama Triangle?
Part II – What Is The Drama Triangle? – Persecuting Drama
Park IV – What Is The Drama Triangle? – Drama Victim

If you find yourself in the drama triangle and are ready to stop you can CLICK HERE to start counseling. Please leave a comment below on if you are the victim in the drama triangle.