To build a relationship that last one of the most important concepts that a couple can grasp and practice is a couple bubble.  When I worked with children in vacation bible school one of the first things that we would cover is the “purple circle.” this is where we would teach the children to put their arms all the way out and turn in a circle creating an imaginary circle around themselves. This “purple circle” was their space, and no one can go into, and if anyone else tried to enter your circle you would yell “purple circle.” And if the kids accidentally (or purposely) entered into someone else bubble they would hear someone yell “purple circle”. This is was a fun way to help children learn to ideally their own personal boundaries, and respect others personal boundaries.

Our culture thrives on created individual boundaries or bubbles around ourselves. We learn to be self-sufficient and spend our first 18 plus years of life learning what our own personal boundaries are. This is healthy and should be done. We all need to know what we are comfortable with and what we are not comfortable with. The problem that we see is we never learn how to create a bubble that is focused on the boundaries and strengthen a healthy relationship can be formed. When you are able to see a relationship as its own unique force that requires its own boundaries, you then are able to build a couple bubble.

What is a Couple Bubble?

A couple bubble is where you and your partner from a relationship and think of it as its own identity. Your bubble is how you protect each other and keep each other safe and secure. Both partners actively work to maintain and straighten the couple bubble.

Guidelines for Building a Strong Couple Bubble

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Devoted to Safety and Security of the Relationship.

• This is when you and your partner focus on what is required to keep the relationship strong, safe, and secure. This is not about focusing on what your individual ideal of what the relationship should be. If both of you focus on knowing what is important to your partner and doing whatever it takes to keep them feeling safe and secure both of your needs will be met.

Equal Amount of Work

• Both partners work to make sure that the bubble is being worked on, and taken care of. Both partners agree to share their emotions and ask for their needs to get met (even when it is hard). Both members take time to focus on actives that build your bubble, dates, putting the phone down when talking to each other, saying I love you, I missed you.

Bubble Comes First

• Don’t pop your couple bubble, by focusing only on your own needs and wants. The couple bubble builds a solid relationship because it focuses on each partner sharing their needs and their partner help them meet those needs. Acting selfishness or being ambivalent creates a wedge between you. While some wedge happens without intention (children, in-laws, work) other wedges happen if you let your guard down (affairs, spending time with his/her own friends, overworking, cell phones).

Planning

• Couple bubble takes planning and time. Without consistently thinking about your relationship and how you will keep it safe. This might mean at the work party you each check in with each other even when not next to each other to make sure that the evening is going smoothly. Planning is figuring out how will you maintain the relationship when your kids have your day/week/month planned in advance. Each member of the relationship asks themselves what do I need to do to ensure that we are strengthening the relationship.

Is a Couple Bubble Co-depend?

When I share the concept of the couple bubble with clients in couples counseling, I get asked or told that it sounds like I am pushing clients to be co-depend. Co-dependence is when you are unable to ask for your needs to get met, yet expect your partner to meet them. Or when you try to meet your partner’s needs without know what they really need from you. Co-dependence is more about you trying to fill your own uncomfortable emotions such as insecurity, through action and not through asking your partner to meet your needs.

Why the Couple Bubble Works

The couple bubble helps you take on the world. When two individuals are committed to a couple bubble you now always have someone to watch your back. You have someone who is acting and thinking about what you need. This safety and security actual create’s the environment that you can have more separation from each other. When your partner is stressed because of the situation with the kids, they know that they have someone who is going to help them share that stress. This automatically lowers the intensely of any stressor.

A couple bubble puts more positive goodwill into the relationship. When you are able to form a strong couple bubble your view of your partner is normally positive. You see the goodwill that they put into the relationship. So when a moment of disconnection comes, both of you do not take it personally you take it as a one-time thing.

When your couple bubble is strong, you and your partner will tend to spend more time together. This in turn straighten s the bubble by building fondness and admiration, which is one of the key principles in making a relationship work. You can learn more about fondness and admiration, by reading about the work the Gottman’s have done with couples.

No matter if you are just starting a relationship or you are 30 plus years into your couple-ship it is never too soon to start thinking about your couple bubble. To learn more about a couple bubble you can check out the following book call Wired For Love by Stan Tatkin and read my review about his amazing work here.

If you and your partner need help to form a couple bubble contact me today and we can get started on helping you form a loving long-lasting relationship that is safe and secure. To request an appoiment click the link below.